My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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