I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
