Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
