She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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