woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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