i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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