I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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