I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dignity is for republicans.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
