That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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