So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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