Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
