WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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