yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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