Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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