She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
