I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
