thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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