we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
