Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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