I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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