Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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