Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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