i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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