I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
