Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
