We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Holy shit dude........stairs
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
