508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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