smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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