THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
