He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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