I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
