you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
