i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
