Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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