your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
