Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
