operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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