I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize