So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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