I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
