you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
