I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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