worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
