The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
