I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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