dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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