I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
