She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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