I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
