Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
