saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
