Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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