He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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