I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just google imaged poop.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
