anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
