I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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