woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
