yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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