I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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