it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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