We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
