what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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